Adam’s Nectar Two – Part Two (The Grapes Of Ruth)

Adam’s Nectar Two – Part Two (The Grapes Of Ruth)

Ok all, here’s what happened at Show Two of the Adam’s Nectar Trial Shows – the weekly blog about the weekly shows that let comedians try out new material for the Comedy festival, but ends up focussing on the audience.

The show began with an update on Ruth – the teacher who last week admitted she had never had an inappropriate encounter with a student. You may remember that last week I asked her to either have an inappropriate encounter, or make one up for us.

Well, it seems Ruth did neither. In fact, Ruth arrived with a note from her mother that said “Dear Mr Hills. My darling Ruth couldn’t do her homework because (choose a reason) a) she needed her beauty sleep b) she wasn’t sure what she had to do c) an oldie but a goodie, the dog ate it d) all of the above. Signed Ruth’s mother”

For some reason I doubted the veracity of this note, mainly because Ruth had made some notes of her own on the back, and for some reason her handwriting was remarkably similar to that of her “mother”.  I then made Ruth sit in the corner for the rest of the show, but not before reading out Dave Hughes’ response to last week’s blog.

See, last week Ruth said that Dave’s voice “shits me”. I posted this blog on my facebook page, which I keep strictly for friends, and Hughesy read it. And took umbrage.

His response read: “Hey Ruth, you shit me cos your a shit negative audience member who talks behind peoples back and most likely has no talent of your own at anything apart from being a bitch. Yeah how does that feel? Not good hey? Hopefully now my words have shat you too. Now you know how I feel. Grow up”

I gave the note to Ruth to read, and later in the show she returned it with corrections. According to Ruth’s red pen, “cos” should have been “’cause” or even “because”; the first “your” should have been “you’re”; there should have been commas after “shit”, “anything”, “Yeah”’ and “good”; and “peoples back” should have been “people’s backs”. She also underlined the word “shat”, opining that it wasn’t actually a word.

I have a feeling the Hughesy-Ruth feud is far from over.

Back to the show, where I then moved on to find Greg – the customer service phone guy from Western Water. Last week I asked people to call Western Water, ask for Greg, and do something to make him smile. Turns out the only calls came from a nice lady in Brisbane who chatted to Greg about the show, and one of the comedians from last week, Hannah Gadsby, who said “Hi, I’m a lesbian. Can I have some water?”

I won’t lie. I was fairly disappointed. I expressed this disappointment, at which several audience members replied that they couldn’t find the number for Western Water. Thankfully, the excellent Felicity Ward later bounded on stage with the number on her phone – 1300 650 425. The challenge is now out there to call Greg and make him smile. I don’t want a deluge (pardon the unforgiveable pun) but even a few calls will do.

Jono – the guy trying out for Raw Comedy next week – then took to the stage and did his Raw Comedy set. It went well enough, so now if you want to support Jono, you can make your way to The Evelyn Hotel this Saturday afternoon and cheer him on. We’ll find out how he went next week.

Eventually, the actual comedians came on, and we were treated to some excellent comedy from Adam Rozenbachs and Celia Pacquola. Jessica Paige – the girl I met at a trial show four years ago – finished off the first half by playing a solo song , which was a stormer despite the hangover she was suffering from playing at The Corner Hotel the night before. Keep an eye out for Jess and the Paige Boys, coming to a venue near you.

After a brief interval, Britt – the audience member who used to be underage, and now wants to be a singer-songwriter – wowed the audience in her first ever stage performance, playing a song that may be the theme of the Trial Shows “Monumental Fuck Up”.

The song was recorded by Jules – the audience member who offered to record the songs – so now our plan is to make a compilation of every song Britt performs and try to release them on a CD. Even if we have to burn them ourselves and make them available from the website.

I should point out at this stage, that all of my bits from the night, as well as Britt’s song and Jono’s set, were filmed by Evan and Emily – the audience members who set up a website for the trial shows – and can be viewed at . Don’t go there yet though, cos I still have more to tell you (Sorry Ruth, I mean “because”)

Actually, it is appropriate that Ruth interrupted my flow then, because it was about this point that she interrupted the show. After gloating that her seat in the corner was actually getting cooler air than the rest of us, I moved her again, only to be constantly stopped mid sentence as Ruth interjected from the sidelines.

I admonished her in a way that was admittedly a little harsh, and she suggested that perhaps I was taking revenge for every teacher that wronged me. I replied that I was definitely taking revenge for every teacher that ever wronged me, and entered into a tirade about a substitute teacher that put me on detention for speaking during an exam (even though I was telling the person next to me that he probably shouldn’t be asking me the answers) and made me write out the phrase “When ignorance is bliss tis folly to be wise” one hundred times.

I then incited audience members to take to the stage to rant against their teachers. We were then treated to the tale of Mrs Moffat, or Mrs Morefat as she was known to one audience member, who after being told he had the handwriting of a 12 year-old girl, broke Mrs Morefat’s walking stick and stormed out of the class.

We heard of Miss Raj, who complained that one student was so smart she was “doing my job for me”, then kept asking the same student to answer all he questions for the rest of the class. There was the girl who got in trouble at a Catholic High School for reading when she should have been watching an anti-abortion video.

Finally we heard from a girl who had her adult novels banned by Mrs Horwood, a teacher who then launched a hate campaign against her. Our hero however had the last laugh, when she won the Horwood Academic Prize, and Mrs Horwood resigned in disgust.

I then said I would write about all of these in the blog (which clearly I have) then ask for comments about the teacher that wronged you (which I am about to do). If you have rant about a teacher that wronged you, post it after this blog – but please make sure it is not defamatory, or may lead to legal proceedings. In fact, maybe it’s best not to mention names. I will read the best ones out at next week’s trial show.

The rest of the gig featured more excellent comedy from Nicky Talacko, Hannah Gadsby, Felicity Ward and Geraldine Quinn, who asked me to record a message for her 11 year-old cousin Caitlin, who is a bit miserable after breaking her arm. Geraldine then promised to bring a recording of Caitlin’s response next week.

We wrapped up the show with a promise from the bar staff to find the ingredients for the Adam’s Nectar Cocktail – the drink the bar staff invented last year. It will be available behind the bar next week.

As you can see, the audience are establishing their own little stories yet again, and we shall see next week whether a) Ruth manages to complete her homework b) anyone actually calls Greg at Western Water c) Jono makes it though his Raw Comedy Heat d) Britt and Jess can wow us again e) any of you post a story about your teacher and f) Dave Hughes can take a joke.

Til then, massive props to the Nectar Lounge staff, the comedians who came on down, and especially to the assembled audience – who this week donated $365 at the door to the Red Cross Appeal for the Victorian Bushfires. After the horrific events of the weekend – which affected some of my best friends – I urge you all to visit the Red Cross Australia website, and do what you can. My friends are safe, but many weren’t so lucky.

Next week’s show will see the launch of Dick The Horse Productions (my company) with performances by Adam Vincent, Hannah Gadsby and Wilson Dixon. There will also be appearances by Dave Callan, Jeff Stilson, and Adam Rozenbachs.

Of course you can check out all the proceedings at or keep in touch by reading these blogs – which seem to get longer every week. Sorry for that, I’ll try to be brief next week.

All the best til then, and in times like these, let’s be thankful for the people around us.



  • Erina. ♥

    11.02.2009 at 19:13 Reply

    Hey Adam how are you going?? I was wondering if you were coming back to Toowoomba one day this year………….. Cause we would love for you to do a show here. Saw Spicks and Speck-Tacular last December and it was a tummy drumming great night. But cause we came to the 1st show that night we didn’t get the memo about the parade up Margaret Street! lol So we need you to come back so we can be there this time Otay! 🙂 Hey don’t forget to watch Spicks & Specks tonight, 8:30 on the ABC. 🙂 lol well that’s about it.
    Pretty pretty please could you get back to me about a possible show in 2009 🙂
    Thanks Erina. ♥

  • Erina. ♥

    11.02.2009 at 19:25 Reply

    Sorry I just thought of a teacher story for you 🙂 In year 7 I had this Japanese teacher, (She wasn’t actually Japanese, she just taught it!) and none of us ever really liked her so we used to just chat away during Japanese and never really listen to her (what rebels we were in year 7 lol) and one day she was getting really angry at us for not listening and she picked up a desk and threw it! I aslo had this other teacher in primary school who was obsessed with this one song. Guess what it was…………….. ACHY BREAKY HEART! So when we went on camp he was making the entire class sing it!!

    Erina. ♥

  • Alyssa

    12.02.2009 at 08:35 Reply

    We had one Mr B, a relief teacher, who quite often lost his marbles at classes in an amusing way…(like a 3 year old child) A friend of mine had him for baseball…she was batting, he was catching and standing a little too close…and she whacked him one when the ball came with the metal bat. He moved schools not long after that. There was also an art teacher that made my friends cry by telling them they were doing art wrong. Who can tell, right? It’s ART.
    Had another teacher who got the class a great one. She had the same name as another teacher who was not well liked, and when the class expressed relief to her that she was not the other teacher, she said with a totally deadpan face “She’s my mother.”
    Cue mortified class. She cracked up and admitted it was a lie. I liked her.

    Can’t wait til you come back to Canberra <3

  • sleepless

    14.02.2009 at 18:59 Reply

    There was a teacher when I was in grade 7 (end of primary school in Qld) who was a real cow. Let’s call her Mrs S. I had been off sport for about 4 months because of severe Osgood-Schlatter disease in both knees. One day she was supervising Friday afternoon sport and demanded to know why i was watching and not playing netball. I told her why, and that I had permission and to check with the other teachers. She ignored that, and marched me onto the field and made me play for the rest of the afternoon. I could hardly walk home, and was off sport and everything else for another four months. I’d been getting better,until then. B**ch.

  • Natalie

    15.02.2009 at 03:18 Reply

    I believe I may have a teacher story up my sleeve. Let me set the scene I’m in year 8 (not currently, I’m in year 10 now, how time flies.) and my PE teacher is one Mr Smurfit, yes Smurfit unfortunately he’s not blue however he does wear a hat and look like another fictional character which I will discuss in a moment. To say Mr Smurfit doesn’t have sense of humour would be like saying that the sign he wrote in the PE office which reads ONCE YOU’VE WASHED CUPS STAND UPSIDE DOWN can’t be taken in two ways. Anyhow Smurfy thinks I’m called Rachel quite obviously I am not, so rather fairly I talk to my friend mentioning said slip up and the fact that he looks a hell of a lot like one of the funny worm guys that drink coffee in MIB. Unfortunately for me once again he is standing behind my as he walks around the cantine like the creep he most probably is. Perhaps I shouldn’t have said that but giving me an F was completely uncalled for and ruined my A* average. I plotted my revenge thanks to Hamish and Andy off of Rove I decided to ghost him which then lead to this conversation
    “blah blah blah this is a corridor not a playground”
    “Actually I started ghosting you in the playground and you’re always telling me to try more sports so I was just following your advice”
    Just for that 3 lunch time detentions for undermining him, I don’t physcally think it’s possible to go under him. But the story doesn’t end there however much you may want it to, nope. In an exam I had a bout a month ago my favourite teacher Smurfy was a invigilator and as he was walking around in an ill-fitting suit which was a crime he knocks over my desk which resulted in a painful bruise and some soggy socks from my water bottle and not even an apology!

    Sorry I’ve rambled for quite so long but revenge will be mine.

    PS – I can’t wait until you come to England (please come to York) at the end of the year I’ll finally be old enough to come to one of your Gigs!

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