Well, less than an hour after leaving the stage, I am back at my hotel, writing a blog about it while waiting for room service. How rock n roll am I? (Answer – Not very)
Tonight I was at the Playhouse in Derry, Northern Ireland, and was a bit worried when I walked backstage and saw this:
My first thought was, “Wow, when you die at The Playhouse, you really die at The Playhouse”.
The show itself was lovely, as were the audience who included: Eoin and his missus, who came in late but braved the front row, Hugh, a 64 year old man who gave nothing away, and a massively excitable lady who decided to join in, called Taylor. Hmmm… massively excited? Called Taylor? Joined in without prompting? Where d’ya reckon she’s from?
When I took a punt and asked where she was from in California, she squealed with joy. How did I guess California? How could I not! Turns out Taylor and her Aussie friend Jess had traveled around Ireland in something known as a Paddy Wagon – a big green bus with a leprechaun painted on the side. I’m pretty sure it’s so that Irish people can recognise tourists at a distance, then try to sell them genuine leprechaun poo.
Meanwhile I found two people sitting on their own, and decided I was going to try to set them up together. John was from Peterbrough, but is in Derry for a month, working at the Transport Museum. Emma was from Newry, and was only in town for a few months, setting up a dental practice. I asked them both to move a couple of rows closer to each other, then began the second half to find they had moved even closer still.
Luckily I had tweeted during the interval, asking people “what’s a good pick up line to use if you work at a Transport Museum?” I made John and Emma take to the stage, as he read out some selected lines. They included:
“Do you want to see my big engine? It’s got lots of thrust.”
“You’re very attractive. I work in a transport museum. I can live with your sublime good looks, can you love my funicular?” (Which as Barney pointed out, is a train that goes up a mountain, “all the way up!”)
“Ding, Ding, all aboard!”
“I need some help polishing this piston, wanna help?”
“I choo-choo-choose you.”
“If you think these are good rides, you should try me!” (There were a lot involving the word “ride”)
(and my personal favourite) “Hey I work in a transport museum, get naked.”
Someone also suggested the best pick up line for someone who works in a transport museum is: anything that doesn’t refer to working in a transport museum!
We were just about to settle for “Hey I work in a transport museum, get naked” when Feargal in the third row chimed in with a gem, which although unrelated to transport was still a cracker.
Feargal stood and asked me to feel his shirt sleeve. As I did he asked “What’s that?”. When I said I didn’t kn0w, he replied “Boyfriend material”. Zing.
I then made him demonstrate the line in a photo:
Finally though, I got Emma and John to sit together and asked what they would like to drink. John said Orange Juice, Emma couldn’t decide but wanted something soft (hey ho) then someone shouted – “One orange juice, two straws!”. I’m happy to say they sat together for the whole show, and shared a juice, like so:
By the way, special mention should also go to the following late entry for chat-up lines:
“The chassis may be old but the gearstick still works.”
…as well as the person that suggested this horrific, and also non-transport-related line:
“Have you seen that giant that shits out beautiful girls?” (look above girl) “Oh there he is.”
Special mention too goes to the ladies that suggested the proceeds from tonight’s t shirt sales should go to Rainbow Rehoming, for abandoned cats and dogs. It was a cause that received a round of applause, and I promised to post a link. So here it is – www.rainbowrehoming.com.
So, have I covered everything? Let’s see – mental American lady, dubious chat up lines, skeleton backstage.. yep that seem to be it.
Tomorrow is Belfast, then Norwich. Oh and for those of you in Australia – check out the Spicks and Specks 80s Special tonight (Wednesday)
Gotta go, my food just arrived – mmmmm… fish and chips.