OK, this idea of printing a t shirt from every night’s show has really taken hold. If you’ve just joined the blogs, it seems that every show I do in Adelaide is spawning its own t shirt to be sold for charity. As I stood outside the Speigeltent today before my show, at least half a dozen people approached me asking for the shirt of last night’s show.
Unfortunately T shirt city wasn’t open today, and besides I needed to find a designer. Thankfully Ian (the audience member that designed the first night’s shirt) has accepted the challenge and has agreed to design a shirt for every show. Since last night’s was a Charlie’s Angels 2010 shirt, he came up with this:
I will have these printed and ready for sale on Tuesday outside the Speiegeltent at 6pm. In fact, I will have shirts for every show available from now Tues til Saturday at 6pm. Including tonight’s design.
OK, so tonight began with Margaret Cawley from the Sunshine Coast who is travelling around Australia with her daughters in a campervan. Margaret was without a drink so I bought her a shiraz. And another later on. She was lovely and came away relatively unscathed.
Unlike the guy in the front row that was caught in the middle of a girls night out. His wife had dragged him along with her best grifriend to the show, and I asked if he was sick of the girl talk. I then dragged him on stage to demonstrate how little detail men actually go into when they talk to each other about sex. We muttered a few sentences to each other, and he managed to divulge the phrases “back of the car” “a bit fat” and “brewer’s droop”, then sat back down.
I then invited the two ladies on stage to demonstrate ladies talk, and they told me that prior to the show they had been discussing his man boobs. In fact his wife had admitted that during sex, she doesn’t notice anything else. I then asked him on stage to show off his man boobs, and the best girlfriend said: “Show him what you did when I opened the door last week”.
He then grabbed his own belly and shook it vigourously. Clearly that was the ideal photo for the next t shirt, so I took a shot, tweeted it, and asked for a slogan:
The slogans included:
RT @ThunderKats1991: Hey, House! Diagnose THIS!
@ThunderKats1991:Cartman: All grown up.
RT @simonnix: Strip Poker night aboard the Nostromo did not go to plan.
RT @ThunderKats1991: Adam Hills: Still funny, even while being digested.
Clearly @ThunderKats1991 was on fire tonight, although the audience couldn’t decide between “House” and “Being Digested”
I then made Old Man Boobs shake it while my sound tech blasted “All The Single Ladies” by Beyonce. I then grabbed another guy, got him to join me as we all lifted our shirts, and the three of us performed a “Single Ladies” dance routine with our bare bellies. It was filmed, and apparently will be put up on youtube. I’ll let you know when I get it.
While this madness died down I found a girl called Eleanor in the front row who was celebrating her 18th birthday. Unfortunately her friends had run out of money, so she came to the show on her own. I then gave thirty dollars to the guy next to her, and asked him to go out into the Spiegel Gardens and buy her appropriate gifts. Someone in the crowd shouted that they had a party popper in their bag, so I asked if anyone else had anything that might be appropriate for a party.
I then received another party popper, a packet of mints, a balloon and a condom. A few minutes later the guy returned with a glass of champagne, a cupcake and a Spiegel t shirt. We kept Eleanor on stage and sang Happy Birthday to her while party poppers popped, and she held a ballon and a condom in her hand. She looked like this:
It was as the condom was being blown up that we finally found a slogan for the t shirt. The guy that bought the cupcake etc was struggling to get air into the prophylactic and kept laughing. After three attempts to inflate said johnny I finally cried in exasperation – “For the love of God just blow into it!”, at which someone in the crowd yelled – “That should be the slogan”
So – the t shirt from tonight’s show will now feature a bald man cupping his own belly with the phrase “For the love of God just blow into it”
Again all proceeds will go to Novita Children’s Services. As well as the requests here in Adelaide, I have been receiving messages from around the world, asking for t shirts. I realised it is probably easier for those of you not in Adelaide to simply take the designs from these blogs, copy onto a USB, take it to a t shirt shop and ask them to print you your own shirt. If you do though, I’d ask you make a donation to the charity of your choice in your home city. Then maybe let me know what charity it was. I just think it’d be nice.
That’s all for now, but I’m sure this thing will get more and more out of hand as the week progresses.