Firstly, I am full aware I am yet to submit the blog for my last two Sydney shows. I got caught up with filming four more episodes of Spicks and Specks. I promise I will post them over the weekend, but while tonight’s shows is fresh in my mind – here’s what happened in Brisbane.
I started the show chatting to a few latecomers; one who said “It’s too hard to find a cab in The Valley to bring me here. It’s all your fault”, and another who said “You don’t have children do you?” I think the last one was referring to the fact that her kids needed to be put to bed before she came out for the night.
Of course, being that I’m in Brisbane my stalker Maria was in the front row. Anyone that saw the Spicks and Specks live show a few years ago will remember Maria. We did 62 shows on that tour, all around Australia. Maria came to 58 of them. Apparently she couldn’t get time off work for the other 4 shows.
I also found a couple of fifteen year olds in the front row, and found their mothers sitting a few seats up from them, one of whom was single. I tried to set her up with a date (her son said he’d like a new Dad to be buff, so he could protect his Mum) then got distracted by a woman in uniform in the second row. Turns out she’s a trainee pilot.
I asked her to come on stage and practice her inflight announcement, and she said “Should I bring my pilot’s headphones with me?”. I said yes very quickly, then dragged the fifteen year olds, the single Mum and some latecomers on stage to be the passengers. While the single Mum paraded up the plane in a sexy fashion, I told Nicole to imagine the engine had fallen off, and try to make a calm announcement in an emergency.
She said something like this: “Ladies and gentlemen this is your captain speaking. I’ve got some good news and some bad news. The good news is the engine isn’t on fire anymore. The bad news is it has fallen off. We can still make it on one engine though, so we should be OK. I’ll keep you updated”
I then took a photo of the cast, and tweeted it with the question; “If this is a sitcom, what should it be called?”
Thanks to everyone that answered – my favourites were “Geeks On A Plane”, “Up In The Air”, “Flight Of The Cessnas”, “Our Dad Looks Like Bill Oddie” and “QANTAS – Questionably Aged, Nice, Thoughtful but Arthritic Souls”. I think the winning tweet though was “Not sure what to call the Sitcom, but looks like it won’t get past the Pilot.”
Other memorable moments from the show included a bloke in the back row who piped up mid-sentence to say “Excuse me Adam, I’m sorry to interrupt, but there’s an asshole up here texting and it’s giving me the shits.” I ran all the way to the back row to find the culprit, only to be told that no one knew where it was coming from, but there was a constant beeping. I listened really hard for it and soon found that the “beep” was actually a “squeak” coming from someone’s seat. If there’s someone “texting” in tomorrow’s show I’ll be onto it immediately.
Kudos also must go to an older bloke in the front who watched me get tongue-tied trying to explain why sex is different for men and women, then summed it all up by shouting out “Women need a reason, men just need a place”. Well done sir.
Finally, it was time for me to wrap up the show, but not before Maria piped in to tell me she had been rehearsing my version of Advance Australia Fair for a performance course, and could she please sing it with me. I then closed the show by singing the National Anthem to the tune of Working Class Man while a pilot stood guard on one side of the stage, and a random long-haired audience member undud his ponytail and swung his hair around heavy-metal style in time to the music. You know – the ususal ending!!
Oh by the way, I took a photo of the hot single Mum and said I would post it on the blog for any possible suitors. Turns out she has a thing for George Clooney, so if you’re buff, greying, and have dark, brooding but caring eyebrows, this could be the woman for you:
That’s all for tonight’s show. Considering I had a head-cold and was full of Panadol and Red Bull, the audience response was superb. Let’s see what happens tomorrow shall we? Oh, and the Sydney blogs are coming. Promise.