Tonight’s show began backstage for me, when a trio of ladies arrived at the door to the stage just as I was about to walk on. As my intro music plays, the staff and I stage an impromptu dance each night, so the ladies joined in. They then accompanied me on stage, where we continued the dance to start the show.
After establishing that they were the Scottish equivalent of cougars, one of the ladies asked “What’s a cougar? Is it a type of snake?”
I then spotted a big guy in the front row with tattoos, and asked him to pose for a photo with the cougars draped all over him. To be fair I asked his wife to join in as well. I tweeted the photo, and asked for a caption:
My faves were:
LuxAdams – New social awareness campaign – “Polygamists, they’re just like you and me”.
noblematt – BBC reveals the candidates for the forthcoming season of the Aprentice: Hull Edition
Blackdownporter – Mike Harding’s new facelift attracts many new female fans. (I didn’t get this one but the audience laughed)
britishadelaide – spice girls (minus scary) and david beckham in twenty years.
markusblaqk – “the monster on steve’s shoulder suddenly became the least of his worries as the women behind him produced bottles of lube”
Well done everyone.
I then kept the guy on stage, found out his name was Frank, and conducted a competition to find the sexiest accent in the room. I brought to the stage a Welshman called Rhodri, an Aussie called Anna, a Portuguese woman called Sonia and an Italian man called Antonio, and asked them to say the phrase “Would you like a sip of my Irn Bru?”
It was all fine until Frank asked in a broad Scottish brogue “D’ye fancy a wee swallie?”
Next up was the phrase “It’s getting hot in here. I’ll have to remove a layer of clothing”. Rhodri spoke Welsh, Sonia spoke Portuguese, Antonio spoke Italian, and Frank blurted out “Aye I’m roastin’. Git yer kit orff”. Anna the Aussie couldn’t follow that and dipped out of the running.
Next Rhodri departed, then Sonia – and every time Frank came out with a cracker of a line. Instead of “Would you like to stay the night” he offered “How d’ye like yer eggs in the mornin’?”
Finally it came down to a showdown between Frank and Antonio. I asked them to say the sexiest thing they could think of. Antonio spoke first in Italian. It was beautiful, sultry and suggestive. When I asked him to translate, he said “Nice legs. How late do they stay open?”
Frank managed a mild “Shut the door on yer way oot”, but Antonio won the day by public acclaim. And celebrated with a bottle of Irn Bru:
Then it was onto Honker, who clearly already made a photo appearance tonight. Honker is the mascot of the show, given to me by an audience member on opening night, who is leading a campaign to raise money for the Royal Hospital for Sick Children. All the details are reachable by the link on the home page of this website, and please donate, but there was a new development today.
Irn Bru have come on board to donate 500 pounds to the cause, but are also donating five limited edition miniature Irn Bru model taxis to be auctioned off. I have decided I will try to get some famous Scots to autograph them to increase the value. I just need to track down some famous Scots. Any suggestions?
I spent so much time with the cougars and the accents that there was little time left for Honker tonight, so I will endeavour to find some more suggestions for autographs in tomorrow’s show.
Til then, please donate if you feel the need here www.justgiving.com/AdamHillsHonkerSickKids
It’s a great cause and a lot of fun.