Lots went on on tonight’s show. Almost too much to describe.
The audience members included: Neil, an Englishman who sat in the front row with a pint glass of white wine, and who seemed “a bit of a player”.
Tom and Ollie, two 14 year olds who of course learnt the meaning of the word “clitoris”.
A German man and his partner, who when quizzed about whether he could understand the show replied “It’s not too bad”. I decided there and then that all my posters in Edinburgh should now be plastered with the quote “It’s not too bad” – A German Man.
A man called Keith (I think) who claimed to be a nuclear physicist, a ballet dancer, a gym teacher and a gynaecologist’s labourer.
I somehow decided that the German man was a Russian spy, sent to assassinate the nuclear physicist. This was confirmed a few minutes later when, as part of the Military Tattoo, a fighter jet swooped low over the venue.
I also found a man in the crowd called David, and told him “You’re too well groomed and well dressed to be a straight man”. The look on is face told me he was indeed gay, so I brought him to the stage to demonstrate the difference between a straight forty year old with a wife and child, and a gay 36 year old. We both showed off our stomachs, and this was the result:
I tweeted it and asked for captions, and the following arrived:
ThoughtsByMatt the Ladyboys of Bangkok have hired some local talent this year
LisainEdinburgh one of jedward take a sad turn for the worst. Bet he drinks irnbru
Adamdower In an ozzie accent , thats not a belly, this is a belly.
thealimcgregor – Adam is finding it very hard to shift that baby weight… (Yes that one was from my wife)
noblematt – Doctor admits he may have had a beer or two when he separated conjoined by the stomach twins
jasonmarkcook “PIES: Before and after”
danilic the beauty and the yeast (Turns out Dan was in the show too)
SwissMinx Would you still go for the guy with the sense of humour?
Well done everyone. And ouch for me.
There wasn’t much time for Honker (the mascot of the show who is now the frontman for a campaign to raise money for The Royal Hospital for Sick Children and who looks like this:
…but I did continue to ask for suggestions for famous Scottish people to sign some Irn Bru memorabilia to auction. The suggestions were – Billy Connolly, Sean Connery, JK Rowling, David Tennant, Colin Montgomerie, The Bay City Rollers, The Proclaimers… and a few more. I will now attempt to get five of them to sign five miniature taxis to auction off for the Sick Kids.
Of course, all the Honker information, including how to donate, is available by clicking on the link on this homepage.
That’s all for tonight, I have to go an do some sit ups. A lot of sit ups.