Last night’s show involved a lot of people:
An Australian guy from Darwin wearing a natty Kangol cap backwards. I’m guessing he’s the only man from Darwin ever to wear a natty Kangol cap backwards.
A lady dressed in ripped jeans, low-cut top, silver shoes, and who came from the Highlands. I’m guessing she’s the only person from the Highlands to ever wear ripped jeans… you know the rest. As she pointed out, she was probably the only black person in the Highalands too.
A young man in the front right hand side of the room whose girlfriend looked suspiciously like a younger version of his mother. Freud’s field day. I think I may have stopped him ever having sexual relations with his girlfriend again.
Finally a latecomer called Vicky became the star of the show, as she told us her husband “decided to come home late from the office”. She didn’t even ask why he was late – she just grabbed the car and left him to mind the children. I called him to find out why he was late, but all he could offer was “Various things”.
I asked Vicky what would make it up to her, and she replied “chocolate”. Her husband Hamish seemed reticent to find chocolate for her homecoming, so I reached into my pocket, pulled out forty quid, and asked a staff member to buy Vicky that amount of chocolate (she stipulated it had to be Cadbury’s). Twenty minutes later a staff member returned, with forty pounds worth of Cadbury’s chcocolate, and Vicky promised me she would give Hamish a kiss when she got home.
The tale of Honker then continued, as I tried to find famous Scots to sign some memorabilia for the Royal Hospital for Sick Children. Honker of course, is the stuffed toy given to me by an audience member that looks like this:
Honker is now heading a charity campaign for the Sick Kids Foundation, and you can donate by clicking here DONATE
Irn Bru have donated five miniature taxis, so I have decided to get famous people to sign them for an auction. A quick scan of the audience found people who apparently know journalist Andrew Marr, a Scottish Rugby player, and a little known chap called Billy Connolly.
The lady from the Highlands then piped in with “He sends me Christmas cards every year. He used to stay in our house when he was a folk musician”
Of course he did.
So, I am slowly gathering contacts for famous Scots. If you’re reading this and have a link to someone appropriate, please let me know. Thus far I have leads (however shaky) for Paolo Nutini, KT Tunstall, Sharleen Spiteri, Sir Chris Hoy, and have put requests in for JK Rowling and Annie Lennox.
Finally I took a photo of the audience because I forgot to get shots of all the individuals that featured. You may see the Highlander in the front row with her hand in the air, Darwin boy a few rows behind her, and Vicky way up in the stand (also with her hand in the air):
More to come tomorrow