The Edinburgh Fringe has begun, and so has my run of Mess Around shows. Therefore, the blogs have started too.
Tonight’s audience playtime was preceded by a description of my day, a day in which I flew to Amsterdam and back in order to meet my UK visa requirements. Whilst in Amsterdam airport I discovered that my suitcase that was lost by Aer Lingus between Belfast and London last Sunday has been to Tenerife and Madrid, and is now somewhere between in Spain.
Seems my luggage is having a better holiday than me.
I bought myself two pairs of underwear (cos mine are probably in a Spanish Tapas bar) and an Amsterdam T shirt (cos my shirts are with my underwear) and had a coffee. After three hours in Schiphol I returned to Edinburgh, had the appropriate stamp put in my passport, and made it to the Assembly Hall in time for my show, where I immediately found a man called Brett in the front row wearing three layers of clothing – shirt, jumper, jacket. I imitated a Scottish accent and said “I’ll be puttin on a shirt, then a jumper, then a jacket, cos I like me layers”.
He replied with “You know why that is? Cos I’m from Sydney and it’s bloody cold here for me”
After comparing him to a man in a flimsy t-shirt (who of course was Scottish) I asked Brett what he did for a living. The answer “I’m an expert in fungi”. Brilliant.
I then took a photo of Brett, tweeted it and asked people what they thought he did for a living. I said that if no one guessed right, he would win the Amsterdam shirt.
The answers included: Professional fluffer, History teacher, creepy gynaecologist, professional mourner, The Stig, an underwear salesman at Schiphol, a ten-pin bowling pin, and from David O’Doherty “a trendy vicar. The sort that tells the skateboarders to “arse off you bloomin nitwits”.
There were a whole lot more (including a lot of “male stripper”s, but as I’m typing this Twitter has crapped itself and I can’t access them. Perhaps you can check them out for yourself by searching anything replies to @adamhillscomedy.
No one outside of the venue tweeted the words “fungi expert” however, so Brett walked away with an Amsterdam T shirt.
Props should also go out to the three generations of ladies in the front row, the matriarch of which lives in Switzerland, and the youngest of which gave me a gift she had made for my new baby daughter. She called it Honker, and it looked like this:
I decided that Honker would take pride of place on stage every night as the show mascot. And it will.
I also found a man in a bandana who called himself a “coffee monkey” at Costa Coffee in the St James Centre. I told him I would ask people to come into the store and refer to him as “monkey” for the rest of the Fringe. He’ll let me know how many people do it.
So there you have it – a fungi expert, a coffee monkey (presumably Capuchin <why didn’t I think of that one on stage?>) and a toy for my baby made by a stalker. Night One is done.
Oh by the way, a quick check of twitter just found a tweet by the Fungi Guy’s daughter, with a photo of her Dad wearing the Amsterdam T shirt:
I’m here for the month, so expect updates every night. And if you’re in Edinburgh, please go see Hannah Gadsby, Adam Vincent and Ali McGregor. I love them all, in different ways.