Alright people, here’s what happened in tonight’s edition of Mess Around.
A whole bunch of people came in late, and I immediately assumed the petite blonde lady with them was English. She looked English. She dressed English. Her name was Alice.
I asked if her surname was hyphenated. She said no. Her friends laughed out loud. I took her ID. It was better than I had hoped.
Her full name was Alice Charlotte Diana Du Vivier. Brilliant.
I tried to set her up with a young Scotsman in the audience whose surname was Wallace, but as you can see from the photo below, as lovely as they both were, there was no sexual chemistry whatsosever:
I then pounced upon a young lad by the name of Andy, a fifteen year old with a very mature voice who was there with his Mum. With the help of another audience member called Peter (who I recognised from my audience in Cambridge two years ago) I took Andy back to his childhood and gave his Mum one last glimpse of her son with Santa.
I took another photo with Andy crying (like most kids do when they meet Santa) but it looked like something very untoward was going on, so I decided not to include it here.
It was then time to turn my attention to the story of Hector, the stuffed toy made for me on Night One. Last night Hector was taken on a date with Eleanor, the 51 year-old I set up with 23 year-old James. Eleanor returned to the show with a flash drive full of photos, and of course Hector.
As you can see from Eleanor’s photos, the date started well:
They had a bit of a chat
and even had a bit of a snog
But I think Eleanor was more interested in Hector than James
as evidenced by this “morning after” photo from Eleanor’s bed
In fact, it seems Hector spent the afternoon with Eleanor too
Eleanor suggested that Hector was actually a bit of a stud, so I decided that we should increase his sex appeal, and coerced three ladies in the front row to have their photo taken with him, while Alex Wallace held a fan in front of them to create a Bon Jovi-like shot:
I then called fifteen-year old Andy back on stage, to take a photo that would bring him a little more joy than the one with “Santa”
I tweeted the photo and asked “If this is an album cover, what would it be called?” and received the following answers:
And that brought my third show here in Edinburgh to an end. Somehow between now and the end of my run I intend to use Hector to raise money for The Sick Kids foundation here in Edinburgh, and you can donate here http://www.justgiving.com/AdamHillsHector
I will give you more details as they come to hand
Three shows down, eighteen to go.