I’m not entirely sure if tonight’s show was any good.
It all started before the show, when I received a gift backstage form a fan by the name of Jason, who had traveled up from Oxfordshire for the day. He and his lovely wife Louise have seen me many a time, so Jason left a gift for me of – a bottle of 105 Single Malt Scotch Whiskey, a whiskey glass and a packet of Tim Tams (Australian chocolate biscuits). This has happened a few times from various people, and all stems from a routine in which I talked about drinking so much whiskey I once vomited Tim Tams. Maybe I should start talking about driving Ferraris just to see what ends up backstage.
I took it all onstage with me just to see what would happen.
After encountering an Aussie couple in the front row with sunglasses on their heads, and a man from Glenshee (which apparently means Glen of the fairies) I found a five-year old called Aaron , who was so cute he made every woman’s ovaries burst when he spoke.
I also found Geoffrey, the Team GB-supporting 22 year-old who was in the show a few nights ago. He came back to give us an Olympic update, and he duly reminded us of how many gold medals Britain had won as opposed to Australia.
He then lead the crowd in another Team GB chant, which looked like this:
I really want these videos of Geoffrey to get back to team GB. If you have the ways and means to do that, any assistance would be appreciated.
I rewarded Geoffrey with a wee dram of the Whiskey Jason had brought for me, which I should point out was %60 alcohol per volume. I thought it would be interesting to film him revving up the troops after the whiskey had kicked in.
Meanwhile, back on stage, I decided it was about time to do a culture swap. I called the man from Glenshee to the stage, along with the lady from Australia.
First, I continued my Irn Bru experiment, by filming Sophie as she took her first ever swig:
I then filmed our Scottish gentleman eating a Tim Tam, and I have to say, he was less than impressed. Actually he was alright with it, but followed with “Tunnocks is better”. This almost ignited a biscuit war in the room, so I took it up a notch. With the aid of some of Jason’s single malt magic, I created the world’s most potent Tim Tam slammer,
For those of you that don’t know, this is when you bite a corner off each end of a Tim Tam, then suck liquid (normally coffee) through the biscuit.
He was impressed, but still followed with “It’d be better with a Tunnocks”
I would have filmed this bit, but I’ll be honest – I had to demonstrate the Tim Tam slammer first. Now, I’m a Dad, who hasn’t slept a full night for about two weeks, is still slightly jetlagged, and hasn’t had a drink for a month. A wee sip of 105 proof Whiskey through a Ti Tam was just enough to rattle me. Not make me drunk mind, just rattle me slightly.
Not only did I forget to film the Slammer, I also forgot to bring Geoffrey back on stage to enact Part Two of his Team GB chant.
The show ended in a bit of a blur of adrenaline, whiskey and chocolate – but from what I could tell a good time was had by Geoffrey, Glenshee-man (I’ve even forgotten his name) Sophie, Jason and Aaron.
My enormous thanks (I think) to Jason for the whiskey and to his lovely wife Louise for writing me a card. If you read this Louise, I promise to get some autographs in your book asap.
Like I said, I have no idea if tonight’s show was any good, but I take heart from this tweet that came in afterwards:
GrahamSteel @GrahamSteel was excellent and, at the end, slightly drunk and chocolatey
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