Mess Around – Melbourne April 3

Hi all

Last night’s who wrap up will take the form of a photo essay.

First up I found a man in the crowd who looked remarkably like Tiger Woods, especially when he covered his face and pretended to send a text:

I dragged on stage a man who looked like Grizzy Adams, and a lady called Heather, who has been in many of my audiences in the past. I took a photo, tweeted it, and asked “What do you think is going on here?”:

As you can imagine, some cracking reponses came in, including:

LuxAdams Kenny Rogers look-alike competition has a clear winner

wolfchasing Santa and his head elf are trying to decide whether Tiger’s going to get any gifts this year.

Schnicka Honey you shrunk the audience..?

ThunderKats1991 Imagine Adam’s shock at the response when he asked if anyone else wanted to grow a foot.

ThunderKats1991 Never. Taking. Ice. Again.

ThunderKats1991 After waking up to this sight, Fiona O’Laughlin decided it was time to quit drinking.

Wil_Anderson Tiger Woods contemplates celebrating his last day at sex rehab with one final threesome…

It got weirder though, when another woman in the front row announced that she should join in, cos she’s also a dwarf:

We then discovered that the two shorter women on stage were both from Tasmania. I swear I couldn’t write something this perfect.

It all got even weirder when Ness (another one of my stalkers, along with Heather and a woman called Tansy) reminded me that she has my catchphrase “Go You Big Red Fire Engine” tattooed on her lower back:

I then realised that the light behind Tiger Woods made it look like he had been redeemed in the eyes of the Lord, so being that it is Easter, I took this photo:

I then filmed a quick music video with Ron (Grizzy Adams) during which I sang Wererwolves Of London, while he provided the “arooooo”s. It was filmed by his daughters, and will hopefully be posted here soon.

Eventually we got around to the fabulous Chris Hughes, who we are trying to make famous during the Festival. Chris bounded on stage and handed me a card that was given to him by an audience member the previous night. Apparently this man has an empty billboard in Balwyn North that we can use to advertise Chris and his charity challenge.

If we can raise $20,000 for The Simon Rhoden Foundation by the end of the Festival, Chris will strip to a pair of bike shorts in Federation Square. I can let you know that I have spoken to people at Fed Square, and the strip will now take place on the final Saturday of the Festival around 3.30pm. More details will be posted here.

Anthony the scaffolder also returned to he audience and brought along a stubbie holder he designed, with Chris’ face on it. His partner later modelled it for me: