Woot! We were on fire tonight.
I took to the stage and asked who had had a tough week. A guy in the front row put his hand up and said he had lost a tooth today. I called him on stage, found out his name was Mark, and realised he looked quite suave.
A distraction lead me to the back of the audience where I found a man called Adam, who also looked quite suave/tough. I dragged Adam to the stage, whereupon he leapt up in a single bound. When I attempted to do the same, he offered to catch me Patrick Swayze Dirty Dancing-style. Well, I couldn’t resist.
Simon the amazing sound guy cued up “I’ve Had The Time Of My Life”, I leapt into Adam’s arms, and we danced relatively dirtily. I then found out Adam’s surname was “Best” and imagined him as a porn star “You’ve had the rest, now try Adam Best”.
As Adam stood next to Mark, it occured to me they looked like two members of Underbelly (the Australian gangland TV series). Turns out Mark is actually a Professor in Psychology (try saying that when you’re missing a tooth) so I dubbed him the head of the crime family – “The Professor”. Adam, I decided, was his trusted henchman who secretly coveted The Professor’s job. All we needed was a dim but faithful hitman, a bit crazy and unpredictable.
I found the right man immediately, placed him min the middle, and took a photo:
I tweeted it and asked the question – If this is a TV show, what should it be called?
Oh yes the answers were tops, and included:
Strohy32 Retirement Home Improvement
Dsmiedt Under jellybelly
NibsNiebuhr A Bear & Two Wingmen.
PirateLeer The Stevo, Nugget and Gary Show
topgeargirl2 CSI: Frankston
unfrufru How I met your mother’s parole officer
It was then time to update the crowd on the unfolding campaign to make IT Manager Chris Hughes more famous than Shiloh Jolie Pitt. Basically, the plan is if we can raise $20000 for The Simon Rhoden Foundation, Chris will strip to a pair of bike shorts in Federation Square next Saturday.
Since last night’s show:
* I did a phone interview with Australian radio station Triple J, who have invited Chris onto their national show on Monday morning. Tune in between 8.40am and 9am on Monday to hear Chris and his mate Sean garner national supporrt for The Simon Rhoden Foundation.
* A lady in tonight’s audience says she may have a contact that can help us get a picture of Chris on the side of a Melbourne tram
* And here’s my favourite: A few weeks ago it was suggested that perhaps I could enlist the help of a celebrity. Well, it just so happens that I swapped email addresses with Whoopi Goldberg when we both performed for the Queen at last year’s Royal Variety Performance. I emailed Whoopi yesterday asking if she would record a message for me, and she sent me an audio copy of the following words, which I played to the crowd:
“Hello everyone, this is Whoopi Goldberg. I’ve been involved in some great causes in my time, and I’ve met some amazing people. The Dalai Lama, Robin Williams, the Octomum. But none come close to a man by the name of Chris Hughes. I urge you all to make Chris Hughes as famous as you possibly can, while raising money for a brilliant cause. Please ensure Chris Hughes takes his clothes off. And remember – if you’re having trouble with your IT Manager, try turning him off then turning him on again”
I don’t think it’s any coincidence that we raised more charity money at the door than on any other night of the Festival – thanks Whoopi, you truly are the best.
The tally is now up to $7500, and another $1000 has been pledged if Chris will start his strip in something called a duvet suit. I think we can manage that.
Of course I took the obligatory Chris Hughes Calendar shot:
And as always, the charity details are:
* You can make your own donations here
Or with this PayPal link
So, a massive thank you to the amazing audience who tonight made an incredible show, but made an even more incredible financial contribution.
Oh, and by the way – the bearded guy I dragged on stage was called Carl Dunn. Only afterwards did someone point out that two of the onstage members created a sentence – Carl Dunn Adam Best.