There was a couple in the front row. Paul and Lynne I think their names were. I asked them how they met. He said “The acceptable way to meet people these days”
I assumed that meant a website. He told me I was right. It was rsvp.com.
I asked Paul what he wrote on the site for his profile, and he replied “I just made some shit up and she bought it”
This seemed to irk his lovely partner, and I noticed her hand perched precariously on his lap – within striking distance of his jewels. I then decided to invent a new game show, in which I ask him questions about the relationship, and if she doesn’t like an answer she squeezes a testicle.
We posed for the promo shot like this:
The answers were superb, and included: “Feel or No Feel”; “Double Or Nutting”; “Pimp My Midget”; “Soprano Of The Century”; and my personal favourite “Jason Alexander presents – ‘Is That My Cock?’”
Yes, the similarities between Paul and George Costanza from Seinfeld were remarkable, so I scoured the audience for a Kramer. I found the next best thing, a New Zealander, and created a Seinfeld-esque cast shot:
The show as also notable for a woman from Panama, who has been living in Cronulla for 11 years, and informed me that my home suburb of Loftus “is a hole”.
I asked where in Panama she was from, and she replied “Oh you wouldn’t know it. It’s a little town called Colon”.
That’s right – she accused me of coming from a hole, when she herself was born in a place called Colon!
The appropriate jokes followed – Is that round the back of Panama? I assume there’s a neighbouring town called Prostate, that gets bigger as it gets older.
I rounded off the show by concluding the game show – I asked Paul intimate questions, and he answered every one to his partner’s satisfaction, thus winning himself “a cheeky fiddle”
Show three down, and a top night all round.
Note – I have two more Sydney shows to tell you about, but as I write this it is midnight, and we are filming Spicks and Specks tomorrow, so I have to sleep. I’ll upload the final updates tomorrow.