I’m not entirely sure where to start tonight.
In fact, the best way for me to remember what took place in the Epsom version of Mess Around is to look back at the photos. Let’s see….oh yes.
There are many things you shouldn’t wear if you are sitting in the front row of a comedy gig and want to avoid being a target. This is one of them:
Strangely, this man received very little attention throughout the show. Mainly because he was upstaged by the rest of the audience. Like Graham for instance, who told me he was a restaurant manager. When I asked what type of restaurant, he replied “The kind that serves scorpions and locusts”.
Apparently this restaurant is located in Warren Street in London, and is called Archipelago. Graham was a feature of this show as he 1) demonstrated the James Brown act that spawned the phrase “Go You Big Red Fire Engine” 2) told us that the trick to eating a scorpion without killing yourself is to chew lots before you swallow 3) almost managed to offend his date, a lady called Claire who Graham had been dating for three weeks.
Thankfully they survived the show.
Just before the interval I stumbled upon a dreadlocked man in the front row called Owain. I asked if he was a wizard, and he replied, “No, but I do magic”.
I asked if he could do some magic in the second half of the show. He said he didn’t have any props. I asked if anyone had a pack of cards. Remarkably, no one did. One woman said “I’ve got a white rabbit”. I suggested we might need fresh batteries for that. I’m very funny.
I then tweeted to ask if anyone could bring a pack of cards to Epsom for the second half.
The tweet read:
“Is there anyone in Epsom that can bring a pack of cards to the Epsom Playhouse ASAP? Preferably by nine pm. Thanks.”
A perfectly serviceable tweet I thought. Not according to the audience, who heckled it. Firstly with:
“You don’t need to write Epsom the second time”
“You can’t write as soon as possible and stipulate a time as well”
Most. Pedantic. Audience. Ever.
During the interval I received a tweet from Kirsty saying she would drop in a pack of cards, and she arrived on time as I began the second half.
Kirsty stayed for the rest of the show, but not before running out to the car to let her Dad know to come back later. She needn’t have worried, because her teacher was in the gig and offered to drive her home afterwards.
She wasn’t the only one that brought cards however, as during the break a few people had run to the local poker night and pilfered their own decks.
Owain then took to the stage and performed a trick that he admitted “I’ve never done in public before”. It worked mightily, and the audience applauded, even though I’m pretty sure they were secretly hoping for it to go horribly wrong. This is Owain, and apparently you can see more of him at www.catchthebus.co.uk
Finally we came to Vanessa, who had mentioned earlier that her friend Ashley was living in Perth. This was prompted by the fact that there was a couple in the audience from Perth. I tried to ring Ashley but her phone was disconnected, so Vanessa asked me to prank call her boyfriend Matt instead.
She told me that she and Matt had been together three weeks (high fives from Graham) and that Matt had met her father today, whose name was Graham (more high fives from Graham). So I rang Matt, and left the following message on his phone:
“Matt it’s Graham here, Vanessa’s father. I just wanted to say it was a pleasure meeting you today. You seem like a smart young man, and good looking too. Listen, if it doesn’t work out with Vanessa, give me a call…”
The audience’s laughter kinda gave the game away at that point. This is Vanessa
And so my Epsom night came to an end; a night that included a scorpion-serving restauranteur, a magician called Owain, a prank call on an eighteen year old, five decks of cards, a white rabbit and an audience member with a target on his shirt. Not to mention the woman who yelled “Go You Big Red Fire Engine” or the Dad who had brought his sixteen year old son along.
Everyone in Epsom was lovely, including all the staff, and I look forward to my next visit.
That is all for now, I will be doing my last show of this tour in Oxford on Thursday, and will post again then.