I’m not suite sure how to describe tonight’s show, so how about I give you a few teasers of what is to come:
There was a drunk Mum from Manchester, an American called Jody, a New Zealander doing his best to sabotage Australian, I was anally raped, and we found another possible date for Alistair.
Bit by bit, I’ll explain all of those:
At one end of the front row was a Mum and Dad from Manchester who had come to London to visit their two student daughters. Mum was quite raucous and flamboyant, a combination she attributed to Rohypnol (is that even how you spell it? Hang on, I’ll check my prescription. Boom!)
Although I spent the entire show betting she was gonna end up naked on stage on a stool, and while her daughter admitted the last time she saw her mum nude was this morning, she remained fully clothed.
I took a family portrait of them all so you can see what they looked like:
Further along the front row was an American called Jody. Nothing really to report here, except that he was polite, quietly spoken, and a little shy. So was his girlfriend June. I took a photo of them being shy to prove that there are actually shy Americans in the world:
Next up was a man who works for the Australian Government, marketing Melbourne to the rest of the world. When he told me the slogan was “It’s a great place to be” I suggested that perhaps he could do better. That’s when his girlfriend chipped in “He’s from New Zealand”. It occurred to me that perhaps he was sent here by the New Zealand Government to ensure no one travels to Australia, so I asked my twitter followers to come up with a good slogan for Australian tourism before the end of the show.
My favourites included: