Hello and welcome to the blog of the second show on Night Six of my 2011 London run of Mess Around.
You may have read from the blog of the first show on Night Six of my 2011 London run of Mess Around that two members of the first audience left a Go You Big Red Fire Engine cake backstage for me.
Well, two members of the second show left a bottle of whiskey for me. It seems they were at my 2009 show “Inflatable” at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival with their bridal party, on the day they married. Their card reminded me that I had toasted them with my best “Drunk Aussie Uncle” speech, and bought them a bottle of champagne, so now they were returning the favour.
I left the bottle at the side of the stage but it took em while to bring it out, as I got a bit distracted by chatting to people in the crowd. In fact, I wasn’t just chatting to audience members tonight, I was seeing into their souls. I was telling their life stories before they did. It was psychic comedy – or at least that’s what it felt like.
It began with a couple in their forties who were holding hands. I predicted that they were in the new days of a relationship, had met on the internet and were on an early date. Initially I was told I couldn’t be further from the truth.they said they met at work in London twenty five years ago. D’oh! However they had gone separate ways (in fact he ended up in Australia for twenty years) before finding each other again online (LinkedIn) and had only been together for a year. Result!
I compared them to a couple a few seats down who had been married for a few years. I noticed that he had his arm around her, and she pointed to her tummy.
Now, I need to make an important comedy point here – you should never, ever, ever ask an audience member if they are pregnant. Ever. It’s just too risky.
However she had made the gesture, and without thinking I blurted out “and you’re pregnant!” To my immense relief she said she was, and I started to back my predictive skills.
I then took a quick trio of shots of young love, married love, and the parents of the married lady – to demonstrate the stages of love. Firstly, holding hands coyly yet sensually:
Then arm around the wife protectively:
And finally, no contact whastoever:
I then started to get cocky about my predictive skills and spied two men at the end of the row. They both had Scottish accents. I went with father and son. Bang on! I asked if the son was a student, he said he starts University tomorrow. On fire!
I ran to the other end of the row where two other men were sitting together. I asked if they were a couple. They said yes. Come on!
Giddy with my own cognitive powers I started pouring whiskies for the people I had chatted to. Then a few more hands went up, then more, then I sent the venue staff put to find some cups, then I ended up pouring drinks for the majority of the crowd. Alcohol is given, but alcohol is also taken away.
There was still a couple in he front row, about whom I had made no predictions as yet. I decided to put it all on the line and see if I could tell their story psychically.
He was wearing a Star Wars shirt. I asked if he worked in IT. He said no, he designed DVD sleeves. Bugger. I asked if he was an online gamer. He said no. I asked if he played Dungeons and Dragons. He said no. I had given up all hope, when his wife interjected “He does paint the figurines though” He. Was. Mortified.
OK, so it didn’t prove my psychic abilities, and maybe the others were either lucky guesses or pretty logical assumptions, but it made for fun way to pass the hour. I took a photo of the final couple too, for posterity, and they posed accordingly:
Before I go I have to give a shout out to a young man called Oliver, who was at the show with his Dad. Oliver is fourteen years old, and originally from Brooklyn. He was unfazed by bad language, keen for whiskey, and said I was his favourite comedian. I was genuninely flattered.
And I can’t sign off without acknowledging my lovely married Whiskey bringers. Although I only managed a sip of someone else’s, it was exactly what the doctor ordered, especially for the fourth show of Mess Around in two nights. Thank you, and cheers.
I now have a night off, before a special sign-interpreted performance of Mess Around on Monday. As always, I’ll let you know how it goes.