Another day, another train, and another gig – and Sunday night it was lovely Manchester. Ooh, I quite like Manchester. Ever since I took my best mate and his wife up there last year to see Elbow play at the Apollo. One of the best music gigs I’ve ever seen.
Music seemed to be a big part of last night’s show, in what eventually became an on-stage ensemble piece – but I’ll get to that in a minute. Firstly, the cast.
Sitting in the front row was a rather large man called Mike, surrounded by three ladies. He seemed remarkably assured for a front-row-audience-member, and I soon found out why. He was a security guard for the theatre and the ladies with him worked there as well. Good to see they saved the best seats for themselves huh? When I bent down to harass Mike about whether he wished he was in a relationship with any of the ladies, he brushed me off with a flick of his hand, and a beautifully Northern-accented “Fook off”.
Next up was a 12 year old by the name of Jacob, who was the coolest, most relaxed, and mature 12 year old I’ve ever met. There was also a 55 year old Scottish man called Derek who seemed to just stare me down. When I suggested that if two people stare into each others eyes for long enough, they’ll either fight or shag, Derek replied “You choose which one it is”
Finally I found a 53 year old man called Ian who told me he gets into old-man rants about his daughter Kirsty – who just happened to be sitting next to him. When she later professed to not knowing who The Doors were, he said – “Now you know why I get shitty with her.” I then created a Jerry Springer style confrontation on stage, in which Ian confronted Kirsty about her musical taste, while Mike watched on as the bouncer.
It looked a bit like this:
Kirsty said she was sick of being nagged about it, so I offered to make her a mix-CD from the audience suggestions. I took a whole raft of suggested artists from the crowd (and prompted Jacob to call out “What about Mika?” which was of course booed) including The Beatles, the Doors, AC/DC and Bob Marley, naturally topped off with something from Elbow, and promised to create a good music mix-CD for her. I’ll post it here when I have it done, and will then send the CD to Kirsty.
Although we resolved the tension between Kirsty and her Dad, I took a moment to profess my love for Mike, then carried him offstage in my arms, as the theme from The Bodyguard played. Hmmm, I seem to be making a habit of that one.
It looked a bit like this:
As I stood there, straining to hold Mike aloft while trying not to look like I was straining, Mike said in my ear “Are you OK?” I assured him that I was, but I think I strained something. Later, while signing shirts in the foyer I attempted to lift Mike again for a photo, and I’m embarrassed to tell you that as my legs locked, my back stretched, and my thighs pushed – I broke wind.
On that note, I’ll let you know that my next gigs are in Derry, Belfast and Norwich, and I hope to see you there.
For now though, here’s my playlist for Kirsty, and before you protest at any of them, remember the audience chose the bands, I am only choosing the songs.:
The Doors – Light My Fire
Stone Roses – Fools Gold
Black Sorrows – Harley and Rose
AC/DC – Back in Black
Muse – Knights of Cydonia
Echo and The Bunnymen – The Cutter
Oasis – Don’t Look Back In Anger
The Smiths – This Charming Man
Bruce Springsteen – Born To Run
Kasabian – Fire
Cliff Richard – Young Ones (I think this was suggested ironically but hey, I like it)
Queen – Don’t Stop Me Now
Beatles – Yesterday
Jimi Hendrix – Foxy Lady
Joy Division – Love Will Tear Us Apart Again
Bon Jovi – Livin On A Prayer
ELO – Mr Blue Sky
Guns n Roses – Welcome To The Jungle
Frank Zappa – You Are What You Is
Nirvana – About A Girl
Elbow – Grace Under Pressure
Why not download them yourselves (legally of course) and make your own “Now That’s What We Call Music for Kirsty” CD?
See you soon