I’ve just got back to my hotel after my show in Stockton, where a woman in the audience summed up my style perfectly. After asking me if I had ever been a teacher, she said “I’m a teacher and you seem to approach a show they way we approach a class. You have a vague plan of where you want it to go, but when it all goes tits up you just run with it”. Perfect.
It seems to describe the last two shows in particular.
Wednesday was Sheffield, and the lovely Sheffield Memorial Hall. As I stood in the hallway beside the stage introducing myself on the mic, three people walked past me, trying to find their seats. I grabbed one of them, a 55 year old man called Dave, by the hand and walked on stage with him. And continued to hold his hand for the next twenty minutes!
During this time I found out that Dave had arrived with two women, both of whom claimed to be his date. I later found out they weren’t entirely lying – one was his new girlfriend, the other was his ex. To be honest, I can’t quite remember what I did with Dave that was so funny, but the audience seemed to laugh for the whole twenty minutes. I think we looked each other in the eyes til we kissed and I sat on his lap and pretended to be a ventriloquist’s dummy.
Later in the show I made a move on his girlfriend, which he seemd to be ok with. I was aghast, and (inspired by Back To The Future) tried to creat a scene in which he saved her from my advances. I told him to go to the bar and buy her a drink, and when he returned I’d have my arm around her. His job would be to shout “get your hands off her” then pretend to punch me and I’d fall down the stairs.
All went to plan until Dave misunderstood the word “pretend” and actually punched me in the forehead. Shaken but not stirred I continued the show, and tried to set up Dave’s ex with the only single men in the room – both of whom turned out to be gay. One of whom I later carried off in my arms to make Dave jealous.
All in all, another bonkers night, with t-shirt sales rasing money for Sheffield Children’s Hospital. Which leads me to tonight, and the heaving Stcokton Arc.
In what was the rowdiest audience of the tour I found two of the best-dressed men I have ever seen, Richard and Peter. Calling them to the stage I took a photo and posted it on Twitter, asking people to send me a caption. Here is the photo:
and here are my favourite captions:
- toddandy @adamhillscomedy Siamese twins unaware one is adopted
- MichelleGillard @adamhillscomedy Winners of the competition to play Bilbo Baggins & Gandalf in Stockton’s next low-cost production of Lord of the Rings
- GlossopNorthEnd @adamhillscomedy http://twitpic.com/lrpik – What do you make of THIS Jan Moir?
- Damo_24 @adamhillscomedy http://twitpic.com/lrpik – New studies show hippies shrink as they age.
- laurastevie @adamhillscomedy http://twitpic.com/lrpik – This is a sign your ticket prices aren’t high enough.
- therossmcl @adamhillscomedy http://twitpic.com/lrpik – Steptoe and Dad
- 96BitterSweet @adamhillscomedy http://twitpic.com/lrpik – Happy and Dopey 🙂
- delphatic @adamhillscomedy: http://twitpic.com/lrpik new adopt a vagrant scheme:slow but spectacular start!
- emmalane @adamhillscomedy http://twitpic.com/lrpik – butch cassidy and the sunnflower kid back together again
- Omiscient @adamhillscomedy – Mum was REALLY tall.
- babinaba @adamhillscomedy “What’s with the sensible trousers???”
Peter (the one in the sunflower show) became somewhat of a celebrity throughout the show, compounded by me asking him what he did for a living. He replied “I work in a nuclear power plant”, to which someone in the front row commented “His shirt was just black when he started work today.” Nice.
The show culminated in Stockton receiving a new town slogan, thanks to a heckle. Some of you may know my line about Starbucks – “Going to Starbucks for coffee is like going to prison for sex. You’ll get it but it’s gonna be rough.”
Tonight, that was followed by a lady yelling out “Sounds like Stockton!” That received a massive cheer, and I suggested that should possibly be on a sign. And that sign should be held by Peter. And here it is:
Later, as I sold t shirts to raise money for the Teesside Hospice, Peter picked up a felt-tip pen (they didn’t like it when I called it a Sharpie) and started signing his own autographs. Brilliant.
As the lady said – “When it all goes tits up, just run with it”
Thanks to everyone on Sheffield and Stockton – two of my favourite shows of the tour – and to everyone that tweeted in. Keep an eye on your twitter account between 8pm and 10pm UK time whenever I gig. I may need your assistance again.
That’s all for now – next week is Brighton, Taunton, Tewkesbury and Shrewsbury.
See ya somewhere