OK, here’s what happened in Belfast tonight.
I spent most of the first twenty minutes roaming throughout the crowd as a stream of people came in late, and I introduced myself to them. There was Nicola, two Maeves, and Daniel sitting on his own. But the guy that caught my eye was sitting right near the front in an Australian Wallabies Rugby jumper.
Turns out he wasn’t Australian, nor had he been to Australia. He got it from his wife. When I asked if she was Australian she said “Kind of. I live here now, I grew up in Australia, but I’m originally from Russia”. Wow. That is a combination I’ve never come across. I managed to combine all three accents, then asked her name. She replied “Valeria” (but pronounced to rhyme with Malaria).
How can one person have so much going on? Russian/Australian/Northern Irish, and with a name of Valeria. I later found out her surname was Grabanaka (I think). Valeria Grabanaka? It sounds like a terrible disease. “I’m sorry Mrs Johnson, it seems you have a rare strain of Valeria Grabanaka.”
They were a lovely couple though, and looked like this:
I started the second half by harassing a young man in the front row with his mates. He looked like he was trying out for the X Factor, they looked like they had just stolen a car. Since a woman called Grace was taking a photo anyway, I called him onstage and we recreated a male modelling pose from a bad fashion magazine. You know, where one guy looks at his watch and the other looks off into the distance:
I then tried to spring him in a compromising pose, but it ended up looking like he had surprised me anally:
I believe the correct caption for this is: “It’s never a bad time to have your prostate checked”
The rest of the show was without incident, except for the moment a few minutes from the end when I got completely thrown by a woman in the front row, who looked a lot like someone I work with on Spicks and Specks back in Australia. Maybe I’ve been away too long, but I thought this lady really looked like Myf Warhurst. I had to stop and take a photo, and promised to post it alongside a photo of Myf to prove my point. You decide. First here’s Myf:
Now here’s Grace:
I’m just sayin’, they look a little alike. That’s all.
That’s all to report from tonight’s show. We sold a whole stack of t shirts afterwards to raise money for Women’s Aid, and I went home to my hotel. By the way, I wanna give a shout out to John the taxi driver, who picked me up from Belfast Airport yesterday, drove me for an hour and forty five to Derry, then picked me up this morning and drove me an hour and forty five back to Belfast. As they say here – Good man yerself.
Norwich tomorrow, and more to report I’m sure.