Well tonight’s show really seemed to take off.
It all started with a man in the front row who told me he worked in Disaster Recovery. Actually, it started with a man in the back row who applauded with his arms outstretched when I took to the stage, but I got distracted by the guy in the front row, who told me Disaster Recovery mainly consisted of humidity-related disasters. For example, when humidity causes computers to seize up, thus stopping companies from doing business, John steps in. I know, thrilling.
Turns out the guy in the back row was a massively built Rugby League player, a fact that caused a woman in the audience to squeal in delight. Since he was married, and she was desperate, I asked him to recreate a Rugby League scene on stage with me, for her pleasure. Sadly I forgot that he was about 26 and I am now 40, so he challenged me to get past him on stage while he tried to tackle me.
Here are the results, as photographed by the Disaster Recovery man:
The show was then interrupted by a man who came down the aisle towards me, and said “Mate, if I don’t go to the toilet I’m gonna piss me pants”. Yes, he was an Aussie.
His name was Adam, and after unceremoniously exiting the room, then returning just as unceremoniously, I took a before and after shot of him. First, before the wee:
I then told the audience about what had happened last night. About how I found a guy who was a fungi expert, and about how someone else had given me a home made stuffed toy called Honker for my baby daughter. I admitted to them, as I will to you now, that I felt bad because I didn’t find a way to turn Fungi Man into a star throughout the Festival as I had in Melbourne earlier this year with Chris Hughes the IT Manager.
If you don’t know, my show is inspired by the fact that 100% of people knew the name of Brad and Angelina’s first biologically born child (Shiloh) at a Quiz Night I once hosted.
I wanted to make someone famous during the Fringe, more famous than Shiloh Pitt, but Fungi Man was only in town for a few days, so he didn’t seem to be the right person. It was only as I wrote last nights blog that I looked down at Honker, and had a flash.
I told tonight’s audience that I wanted to make Honker as famous as possible by the end of the Fringe, while raising money for charity. Although bemused, some people seemed to go with it, so I asked for a local charity.
The Royal Hospital for Sick Children was a common shout – which made me very excited.
See, the first joke I ever wrote about Edinburgh was inspired by The Royal Hospital for Sick Children. I basically said it was a great place, but a very specific name. “Was there a Royal Hospital for Healthy Children?” I wondered. “Will I walk past the Edinburgh Cemetery for Dead People? Is there a Peter Andre Concert For Wankers?”
With a charity in place, and a mascot, all we needed was a photo. Sure I had this one from last night:
…but I thought we could do better. Then a woman in the front row called Polly whipped out a professional camera, and posed Honker on a stool, propped up by my bottle of Irn Bru. When I suggested a brand might not be a good idea to have in shot, someone suggested we get Irn Bru on board to help with the charity. That received a massive cheer. Polly promised to send me the photo, and as soon as I have it I will upload it on one of the blogs.
I then asked the audience for a slogan for Honker and the charity, and received “Honk for Honker” and “Bollocks To Shiloh”. Again, I think we can do better.
So, tomorrow night we will take this the next step, but here is the story thus far:
Honker will now become the mascot for a charity drive to raise money for the Royal Hospital for Sick Children. With a bit of luck Irn Bru will help.
Actually that’s as far as I’ve got.
No’ bad for the second night though.
Last night I was worried that I didn’t have a goal for the Fringe. Now I do. I’ll keep you updated.