Tonight was the first night of my London run of Mess Around, and what a fascinating one it proved to be.
It started with a late arrival from my own manager who came direct from the launch of Michael McIntyre’s debut book, sat in the second row, and gave me two of Michael’s books. I immediately decided to keep them as prizes for interesting audience members. Who were in abundance.
First up was an Australian engineeer, partnered by a “underwriting technician” from Essex. In other words, she was an insurance assistant. Next to them was a girl called Emily who claimed there was nothing interesting about her, but I begged to differ.
She was from Essex, but came to the show without her boyfriend who was working at a University in Derby. I took Emily’s phone, and called her boyfriend Adam, to see what he was up to. He asnwered, we chatted, he explained the female voice calling his name in the background of the call (his flatmate) and I ascertained that Emily and Adam had only been together for a couple of months.
I then decided that they needed to send each other some sexy texts, and after hanging up on Adam, I drafted the audience’s help to write an appropriately saucy message. Bit by bit I took various siggestions from the audience, until we ended up with the following text:
“Dear my lovely Flaps, I want to suckle on your big moist hairy nipples, and want to caress your long huge shaft. Please? Signed Bunnykins”
Emily sent it off, and I promised to call her on stage tomorrow night to find out what the result was.
A further probing of the crowd found five Americans and a Mexican who were all studying photography (except for one called Adam who smugly announced he was studying business) and a guy in the front row of whom I couldn’t resist taking a photo. It looked like this:
I tweeted it and asked for captions and received the following:
- jaybee_bug Michael Bolton finds a hair straightener
- Hails9te TaDa! it only took me 69days but I found my way out of the box 🙂
- JAJSounds Follow me and the Geeks shall inherit the Earth!
- adjvee if apple did Jesus
- brian_con Axl Rose dares the Dublin crowd to throw another bottle of water at him.
- andrewurry The 2nd coming wasn’t quite as succesful as the first one
- 84arussell“Forgive them Father, they didn’t go to Specsavers”
- HeathC Frisk me? Please? Somebody? I just want to be touched… *sob*
- sneakypetey Budget Jesus.
By the way, not only were there some cracking suggestions, but someone later informed me I was “trending” on Twitter in Australia while all this was happening. Sweet.
I finished the show by presenting the Ginger Jesus and Emily with a copy of Michael McIntyre’s book:
The best bit was, at the opposite end of the row from the engineer was a couple that have been to my show before. He is six foot six, she is three foot three and in a wheelchair. And yet, there was so much going on at the other end of the row, I never got to them.
That’s all for last night, I will update you daily during this run, and with a bit of luck we’ll find out how Emily and Adam got on too.