Mess Around – Sydney Nights Part 3

Mess Around – Sydney Nights Part 3

There was a couple in the front row. Paul and Lynne I think their names were. I asked them how they met. He said “The acceptable way to meet people these days”

I assumed that meant a website. He told me I was right. It was

I asked Paul what he wrote on the site for his profile, and he replied “I just made some shit up and she bought it”

This seemed to irk his lovely partner, and I noticed her hand perched precariously on his lap – within striking distance of his jewels. I then decided to invent a new game show, in which I ask him questions about the relationship, and if she doesn’t like an answer she squeezes a testicle.

We posed for the promo shot like this:

I then tweeted the photo with the query – if this is a new game show, what should it be called?

The answers were superb, and included: “Feel or No Feel”; “Double Or Nutting”; “Pimp My Midget”; “Soprano Of The Century”; and my personal favourite “Jason Alexander presents – ‘Is That My Cock?’”

Yes, the similarities between Paul and George Costanza from Seinfeld were remarkable, so I scoured the audience for a Kramer. I found the next best thing, a New Zealander, and created a Seinfeld-esque cast shot:



The show as also notable for a woman from Panama, who has been living in Cronulla for 11 years, and informed me that my home suburb of Loftus “is a hole”.

I asked where in Panama she was from, and she replied “Oh you wouldn’t know it. It’s a little town called Colon”.

That’s right – she accused me of coming from a hole, when she herself was born in a place called Colon!

The appropriate jokes followed – Is that round the back of Panama? I assume there’s a neighbouring town called Prostate, that gets bigger as it gets older.

I rounded off the show by concluding the game show – I asked Paul intimate questions, and he answered every one to his partner’s satisfaction, thus winning himself “a cheeky fiddle”

Show three down, and a top night all round.

Note – I have two more Sydney shows to tell you about, but as I write this it is midnight, and we are filming Spicks and Specks tomorrow, so I have to sleep. I’ll upload the final updates tomorrow.


  • ally

    16.02.2010 at 10:52 Reply

    not lynne, ally.

    i personally liked danny de vito’s masturbation half hour but paul wasn’t too impressed

  • meegs

    16.02.2010 at 11:15 Reply

    ally, not lynne

  • ally g

    16.02.2010 at 15:05 Reply

    yup, ally not lynne, lynne’s a crap fake name for me. i prefer roseanne. or rosie o donnell

    you forgot to add ‘Danny De Vito’s mast****tion half hour’ which was my personal favourite but surprisingly not pauls hahahaha. i’m guessing that’s why my 1st comment didn’t go through, filters. yours or mine not sure. I work for a wine company and i can’t search for cocktails because they are rude words.

    i’ve been told the pictures are being blown up to poster size and will be on display at my 30th this weekend. not sure whether to thankyou for that or not 🙂

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