Mess Around UK 2011 – Colchester

Mess Around UK 2011 – Colchester

Hello all

It’s a short and sweet one tonight, as I update you on the least posh audience I have ever played. A lovely bunch of people turned up in Colchester, and when I asked if theye were in any way posh, they were in every way adamant they were not.

A quick check of people’s names proved that fact, including Dave whose job it is to drug test horses by examining their urine. There were also a couple of young ‘uns in, as well as a couple of unlikely looking lads stashed further back in the crowd. I brought them on stage, and decided that in honour of the last time I was in Colchester (when I took a photo of a band in the front row and tweeted for a new name for them) I would try to create an Essex based Heavy Metal band from the crowd. They looked like this:


I asked for the name of the band and their first hit single. The tweets came flooding in, and included:

Humpty Dumpty Dead
I Fancy A Biscuit by The Procrastinators.
how about the es-sex pistols
Camulodunum, “Seax, seax, seax… the number of the Beast” (The County’s coat of arms comprises three Saxon seax knives)
mdriver11 Matt Driver
Name: Shitting in Your Kitchen, Single: Don’t Let me Near that Microwave
the only way is satan with the hit single “tramps and slags and sausage rolls”
However the crowd favourite actually came from someone in the room :
Stanway To Heaven.
There were also a couple of interesting tweets that came in during the interval, including one claiming that there was an Welsh ex-internationl cricketer in the room. I checked, and there was:
I also read out a tweet that came in before the show that said simply:
Hoping adam hills gets his foot out tonight
This received quite the cheer from the crowd, so with the aid of an audience’s mobile phone that just happened to have the Stripper music on it, I performed a strip tease in which I showed off both my real, and artificial foot. And that is all I did. I did not remove it, and I did not in any way crowd surf my foot to the back of the audience.
OK I may have removed my foot. And there is a possibility that I crowd surfed it to the back of the room. And someone may have videoed it on their phone. And it may appear on Youtube. Hmmm, starting to think I should write some jokes for the next show.
Before I sign off tonight, I just wanna let you know that our prostate awareness campaign “No Joke, Be A Bloke, Get A Poke” took another step last week when I managed to convince Channel 5’s Gabby Logan to pose with me doing the “prostate check” sign.
That’s all for now, only two shows left of this tour – Epsom and Oxford. I’ll keep you updated,


  • Miss Lambert

    17.10.2011 at 19:47 Reply

    Great show last night. I am the ‘young’ lady that grabbed your balls last night and have just told my class about the incident and they are all very proud of me. I am now a ‘legend’ and showed them a photo of me copping a feel. Would you like me to email the picture of this sexual assult?

    Miss Lambert and 10a SHP x

  • Justin Wadey

    18.10.2011 at 02:42 Reply

    The band name ‘Humpty Dumpty Dead’ comes from the fact the nursery rhyme Humpty Dumpty was written about a historical event that took place during the English civil war, in the church which is now the Colchester Arts Centre.

    Fantastic show last night

  • Ollie D

    18.10.2011 at 03:58 Reply

    Hey Adam, you were really good at Colchester, make sure you come back soon. I was the guy on the right in the heavy metal band picture wearing the ACDC top which I can’t believe you didn’t comment on being Australian and all! Also, it was my dad who came up with Stanway to Heaven. He was quite pleased with himself. Cheers! :0)

Post a Reply to Justin Wadey Cancel Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.