Taking Stockton

Taking Stockton


I’ve just got back to my hotel after my show in Stockton, where a woman in the audience summed up my style perfectly. After asking me if I had ever been a teacher, she said “I’m a teacher and you seem to approach a show they way we approach a class. You have a vague plan of where you want it to go, but when it all goes tits up you just run with it”. Perfect.

It seems to describe the last two shows in particular.

Wednesday was Sheffield, and the lovely Sheffield Memorial Hall. As I stood in the hallway beside the stage introducing myself on the mic, three people walked past me, trying to find their seats. I grabbed one of them, a 55 year old man called Dave, by the hand and walked on stage with him. And continued to hold his hand for the next twenty minutes!

During this time I found out that Dave had arrived with two women, both of whom claimed to be his date. I later found out they weren’t entirely lying – one was his new girlfriend, the other was his ex. To be honest, I can’t quite remember what I did with Dave that was so funny, but the audience seemed to laugh for the whole twenty minutes. I think we looked each other in the eyes til we kissed and I sat on his lap and pretended to be a ventriloquist’s dummy.

Later in the show I made a move on his girlfriend, which he seemd to be ok with. I was aghast, and (inspired by Back To The Future) tried to creat a scene in which he saved her from my advances. I told him to go to the bar and buy her a drink, and when he returned I’d have my arm around her. His job would be to shout “get your hands off her” then pretend to punch me and I’d fall down the stairs.

All went to plan until Dave misunderstood the word “pretend” and actually punched me in the forehead. Shaken but not stirred I continued the show, and tried to set up Dave’s ex with the only single men in the room – both of whom turned out to be gay. One of whom I later carried off in my arms to make Dave jealous.

All in all, another bonkers night, with t-shirt sales rasing money for Sheffield Children’s Hospital. Which leads me to tonight, and the heaving Stcokton Arc.

In what was the rowdiest audience of the tour I found two of the best-dressed men I have ever seen, Richard and Peter. Calling them to the stage I took a photo and posted it on Twitter, asking people to send me a caption. Here is the photo:


and here are my favourite captions:

  1. toddandy @adamhillscomedy Siamese twins unaware one is adopted

  2. Michelle GillardMichelleGillard @adamhillscomedy Winners of the competition to play Bilbo Baggins & Gandalf in Stockton’s next low-cost production of Lord of the Rings

  3. Jonathan HaggartGlossopNorthEnd @adamhillscomedy http://twitpic.com/lrpik – What do you make of THIS Jan Moir?
  4. DamienDamo_24 @adamhillscomedy http://twitpic.com/lrpik – New studies show hippies shrink as they age.

  5. Laura Stevenslaurastevie @adamhillscomedy http://twitpic.com/lrpik – This is a sign your ticket prices aren’t high enough.

  6. Ross McLeodtherossmcl @adamhillscomedy http://twitpic.com/lrpik – Steptoe and Dad
  7. Sophie Haire96BitterSweet @adamhillscomedy http://twitpic.com/lrpik – Happy and Dopey 🙂

  8. delphaticdelphatic @adamhillscomedy: http://twitpic.com/lrpik new adopt a vagrant scheme:slow but spectacular start!

  9. emma laneemmalane @adamhillscomedy http://twitpic.com/lrpik – butch cassidy and the sunnflower kid back together again
  10. Omar HempsallOmiscient @adamhillscomedy – Mum was REALLY tall.
  11. Lisa Staffordbabinaba @adamhillscomedy “What’s with the sensible trousers???”

Peter (the one in the sunflower show) became somewhat of a celebrity throughout the show, compounded by me asking him what he did for a living. He replied “I work in a nuclear power plant”, to which someone in the front row commented “His shirt was just black when he started work today.” Nice.

The show culminated in Stockton receiving a new town slogan, thanks to a heckle. Some of you may know my line about Starbucks – “Going to Starbucks for coffee is like going to prison for sex. You’ll get it but it’s gonna be rough.”

Tonight, that was followed by a lady yelling out “Sounds like Stockton!” That received a massive cheer, and I suggested that should possibly be on a sign. And that sign should be held by Peter. And here it is:


Later, as I sold t shirts to raise money for the Teesside Hospice, Peter picked up a felt-tip pen (they didn’t like it when I called it a Sharpie) and started signing his own autographs. Brilliant.

As the lady said – “When it all goes tits up, just run with it”

Thanks to everyone on Sheffield and Stockton – two of my favourite shows of the tour – and to everyone that tweeted in. Keep an eye on your twitter account between 8pm and 10pm UK time whenever I gig. I may need your assistance again.

That’s all for now – next week is Brighton, Taunton, Tewkesbury and Shrewsbury.

See ya somewhere



  • Carolynne

    17.10.2009 at 10:22 Reply

    Thank you for a brilliant night – I was one of the Stockton crowd and although I know not the act you planned – I haven’t laughed so much in a long time. Will def be looking out for you up this way again

  • Laura Jones

    17.10.2009 at 11:07 Reply

    I have just got back from this show too Adam you were amazing!!! It was the best comedy show I’ve ever been to by far thank you so much for a great night. My friend and I just left feeling happy! Especially as I got my picture taken with you too! I would looooveee it if it was at all possible for you to leave a message back (I swear I’ll run around screaming waking up my housemates!)

    I’ll always remember Stockton..you’ll get it but it’ll be rough 😛

    Laura x x x

  • Gary Batty

    17.10.2009 at 18:47 Reply

    You got it, hope Stockton wasn’t too rough for you.

    Fantastic night out, the best show I’ve seen at the Arc this year. We all left highly INFLATED, especially Peter, will his feet ever touch the ground again?

  • sylvia hills

    17.10.2009 at 23:55 Reply

    we were at your show last nite, me my husband and brother and sister in law from aus, we had agreat time you were very funny, you should take peter with you on tour, or at least his shirt! thanks for a great nite. by the way you may have noticed our name is hills, our son is also called adam…..so we knew you would be good!

  • Daniela

    18.10.2009 at 02:26 Reply

    Thank you for an absolutely splendid show ! Uniquely funny and deliciously unpredictable – it almost felt like an evening out with good friends. (Peter is a local legend now!) Look forward to seeing you back in the area on future tours.

    P.S. Was lucky enough to know a true ‘inflator’ who died last year and the closing message just perfectly summed him up! Keep passing on the sentiment…the world needs it!

  • geoff

    18.10.2009 at 02:39 Reply

    Hi Adam,

    This has to be one of the best gigs i have seen at Arc for along time! you were fantastic ! i havnt seen a full standing overation for a long time! brilliant !!!

    hope to see you in Stockton again soon!

  • aly lloyd

    18.10.2009 at 05:20 Reply

    Hi Adam, I was in stockton last night with my partner Stevie, I was full of cold and not feeling too good, nearly didnt come but sooooooo glad i did, you made me feel so much better – its true laughter is the best medicine. I have not laughed so much for so long. I was trying to relay it back to my 17 yr old son, and although i was nowhere near as funny as you he was in stitches laughing. Hope you bring out a DVD – I for one would definitely buy it.
    Thanks and we will be looking out for your next tour.
    Ay x

  • sara stansfield

    18.10.2009 at 05:50 Reply

    we was in the crowd last nite and what a great show!!!! u were great adam, would see u again. so just to say agin what a great show and u were great!!

  • Graham

    18.10.2009 at 07:18 Reply

    Adam, the Stockton gig was fantastic. I have been to many comedy gigs over the last 30 years and seen some of the greats. You are truly up there with the best of them mate! Brilliant night. Thanks a lot. Stockton-you’ll get it but it’s gonna be rough- genius.

  • Jayne

    19.10.2009 at 07:43 Reply

    Glad you had fun in Sheffield… you were the second person inside a week to rip Michael McIntyre in exactly the same way, on the same stage, whilst I was sat in the same seat. Sean Hughes was the other, though his impersonation was not quite as favourable as yours!

  • Em

    19.10.2009 at 09:27 Reply

    I had a great time in Sheffield watching you dig a massive hole with Dave’s ex and current partner … using the ‘pick the one which looks nearest Dave’s age’ to guess his partner and the ‘blonde v brunette’ thing with the blokes. At one point I thought you wouldn’t get out of that hole, but think you managed it with the assistance of the two gay guys (one of whom was the bloke who turned gay folks back onto the straight and narrow … was loving him!) Glad you enjoyed the night too. Em. x
    PS I don’t recall Dave giving you the change from that lager he bought….that’s the Yorkshire woman coming out in me!

Post a Comment

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.